Becoming A Mother

     Becoming a mother is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, but also one of the hardest. I am writing this post not only for myself, but also for all new mothers that struggle in the beginning.

    I thought for sure after my baby boy was born, I would be the happiest person on the planet.. nothing would get me down..  let me tell you friends, that just isn't always the case and unfortunately this is not something they teach you in "What to Expect When You Are Expecting"  While I was so in love with my little miracle, hormones were raging and I just felt completely different.. inside and out. The little boy who I longed for what seemed like forever to get here safely was finally here and healthy and in my arms.. while I felt incredibly thankful and blessed, I was feeling other feelings too.. sad feelings, he was no longer nestled warm and cozy in the womb, I was no longer feeling all of his little kicks and movements, the ginormous belly that I had learned to live with was no longer a part of my body.. I didn't know what to feel.. here I was no longer pregnant but I was also far from the old Darcie that I once was. I didn't feel like myself and nothing seemed normal.. and sleep, yeah you can forget that. Sleep was a thing of the past. My life had been completely turned upside down.. I didn't know what to think, do, or expect anymore. While I felt like a terrible mother for feeling such things, I learned that it is okay and just because I felt overwhelmed, sad, and clueless on what I was doing.. I was normal and my love for my precious baby boy is endless and will never change..  

    Just recently I had a friend send me a link to a blog post about motherhood and advice for when "you want to just quit motherhood"  While I related to the whole post, one quote really got to me "being at someone else's literal beck and call will lay you low. It will rob you a sense of self that will take time and tears to rediscover in this new identity of mother. Give yourself grace to realize that and mourn the loss of who you were, before you begin to embrace the who you are becoming"  That is really so very true. Most days are spent in my pajamas or in a T-shirt and sweats, make up is no longer a part of my routine, nor is doing my hair.. pony tail it is. Finding time to eat or really do anything can be a challenge, except for nap time. While it still makes me sad to realize that I am not the person who I once was, I am learning to accept it and find joy in it. I am happy to say that things are going a lot smoother and while I still have my days.. a sense of normalcy has been established. Sleepless nights are still pretty common, but getting up with my baby boy and comforting him and rocking him back to sleep is priceless. While there are some days where I am completely exhausted both physically and mentally, I remember these are the days I will never get back.. and learn to appreciate every little thing, just as I am learning to embrace the new person I am becoming and who I have always wanted to become.. a mother.