It really is funny how such a small town can have such an impact in your life. Amory is a very small town about 40 minutes north of here and holds a population of about 7,000.. I think that is even smaller than the town of Carrollton for all of my friends and family back in MO :) Now thats saying something ;) Anyways, this tiny town in northeast Mississippi really holds a special place in our hearts. So, as I was driving out of Amory today after seeing Eli's doctor for the last time.. and the town for the last time.. the tears started rolling. Now I would consider myself an emotional person, not overly emotional, but a little bit.. my husband would definitely agree with this :) I started to think back on all of the memories that the town held.. special memories and special people whom I will probably never come across in life again.. Amory is the town where I would travel twice a month for ultrasounds and infertility treatments when we learned we would not be able to conceive or carry a child on our own.. I remember the day before my last dr. visit before I conceived.. it was April 27, 2011.. it was the day an F-5 tornado destroyed much of Tuscaloosa, AL.. it was also a day of numerous other tornadoes in and around MS and AL. I remember watching the news and seeing that a very large wedge tornado was on the ground and was heading straight for Amory.. all I could think about was how I was supposed to go there the next day and get my u/s and shots and hopefully conceive on this cycle!! Obviously I was very worried about it wiping out the whole town and all of the people who would potentially be killed or displaced. Fortunately, the tornado moved at the last minute and ended up hitting the very small town just north of Amory named Smithville. It turns out it was an F-5 tornado as well, just like the one in Tuscaloosa and pretty much destroyed the whole town.. so very very sad. I ended up actually conceiving that cycle.. and we actually refer to Eli as the "twister baby". That should be a fun story to tell him later! Eli was also born in Amory.. I will always hold the lovely memories of Brenton speed racing to the hospital on that early morning of January 7, 2012.. speeding and swerving left and right to avoid hitting deer all while I was in the seat next to him trying my best to breathe through very frequent contractions and praying to God we would make it to the hospital alive :) Eli was born just a little bit after we arrived to the hospital. I had the very best OBGYN who not only helped make pregnancy possible for us, but who helped me through every part of my pregnancy and who was always there for me. When we encountered some problems in the pregnancy, he reassured me he would do everything possible to make sure baby and I would be okay.. doctors like that are very special people and are very hard to find.. the nurses in the hospital where I delivered Eli were just as nice and caring.. I wasn't forced to do anything I didn't want to do and they were there for me every step of my labor, birth, and postpartum care. I couldn't ask for more amazing care than what I received in Amory. Even after Eli was born, we would very often call the L&D of the hospital there to ask any questions we had about Eli, and each time we were treated with the utmost respect and care. Amory might be this tiny dot on a map of MS, but it is where motherhood officially began for me.. and will therefore always have a very special place in my heart.
While I will probably never see these amazing people again, I do plan on some day taking a trip down to Amory and showing Eli were his life began. And some day, when he asks me where he is from.. I will tell him, "Mississippi." Some of you may think this is absolutely silly for being sad about this.. but it is kind of upsetting leaving the area where you began your family.. we put down strong roots here and have learned to call it 'home'. God brought us here for a very special reason, and while I didn't realize it at the time.. I do now. Without some of the amazing people that God brought into our lives.. Eli might not be here today.. and for that, I am very thankful. While part of me wishes we could stay down here just for the great people and continue to get the great healthcare we have received, I know without a doubt, we will find just as amazing people and doctors in Omaha. God has a plan.. and while sometimes I want to fight it and go against it.. I have learned not to, and instead to wait on Him to show me his purpose for the new location he has decided to put my family and I in. I believe good things are waiting for us in Omaha.. and while its sad to leave some great people behind.. I have faith that God will provide a great life for us in Nebraska!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
When the Hubs is Away..
Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I have heard this and now I am realizing that this is indeed, true. First let me explain that B is just on a TDY and is not deployed, at least not yet. So for that, I am very thankful. It's almost as if Eli knew exactly that daddy left so it was then time to start having problems that would make mama about have a mental breakdown. We have all had them, I don't care if you are Michelle Duggar or Annie Camden.. no mama can be happy and energetic 24-7.. especially when it seems like everything is going wrong and you just can't handle anything else, mentally or physically.
It all started when Eli started waking up multiple times one night, I figured it was just a random thing and he would be better the next night. Wrong! The next night, he slept a total of maybe 20 minutes. And it wasn't just him not sleeping, it was non-stop screaming. I felt like life had rewinded itself back to 7 months ago and we were just bringing Eli home from the hospital.. I started getting that same sleep deprived feeling and the hopelessness. This continued for a few more nights, it was at this point I about lost it.. there was no way I could take care of Eli to the best of my ability when I was not getting any sleep at all.. I was afraid I would get down myself and then who would take care of him?? Panic really started to set in.. not to mention I am still recovering from surgery I had about a month ago.. things were just really difficult. It seemed like anything I did would not calm him or comfort him at all.. I assumed it was teething and he would just have to cry along with some tylenol, cuddles, and paci popsicles. His screaming started turning into shrieking so I decided to take him in to the pediatrician to make sure we weren't dealing with an ear infection or anything. Thankfully, his ears looked great.. no ear infection. While I was standing there thinking that I had just wasted 45 minutes of driving to the dr and the dr.'s time, he said he knew exactly what was wrong. He agreed he was teething but also said he was having severe reflux/heartburn issues. This is not new and he was diagnosed with this around 3 months, but we were told it would get better. Unfortunately, for some reason it seems to be getting worse. He is now on a stronger med to try and help the situation.. he has his good nights and bad nights.. but at least mama is getting some sleep, at least more than 30 min to an hr in a night!
In the middle of all of Eli's reflux/sleeping problems, I am trying to get our house packed up for moving. We will be moving in the span of just over a month. Surprisingly, I have been able to get a lot packed but we have a long way to go yet. My thinking that every box packed is one box closer to being done.. at least that is my motivation to getting it all done. I am also in the process of deep cleaning our house, another thing that has to be done before we move. I figured if I started now, that in a month the cleaning wouldn't take near as much time as it normally would. Thankfully Eli can very easily play independently. I never thought I would be "that mom" that actually left her children in a swing for 30 minutes or on the playmat or jumperoo for a while.. I think every baby and every situation is different. I thought I would practice 100% attachment parenting.. although I do practice attachment parenting in some ways. Eli seems to really like it and I do as well.. it works for us and thats what matters. As long as my child is comfortable and happy in his environment and with me, thats all that matters.
Eli and packing have been a huge distraction to B being gone. So in a way, I am thankful that so much has been happening and I haven't really had more than minute to catch a breath. This has really opened up my eyes to deployment though, and I am really really not looking forward to when that time comes. It could be in a year or less, only time will tell. While I would really love to have my husband here to help me deal with some curveballs life has thrown my way, I am learning to rely on God even more than before and phone chats with some amazing friends. This hasn't been easy and I know it's definitely not the biggest struggle I will face in the military world, but it still feels so good to sit back and realize I can do all of this on my OWN. Packing, moving preparations, taking care of our 7 month old, go through surgery/other procedures, take care of our 2 cats, and still maintain my house, grades, and sanity (once in a while) yeah.. that feels pretty good. This gives me the confidence that I can get through future TDYs and deployments. I am learning to stop being so hard on myself and beating myself up for every little thing that I don't think I do 'right' as a mother or wife.. I do the best I can and pray every night for God to continue to shape me into the mother and wife he created me to be.. thats all I can do.
It all started when Eli started waking up multiple times one night, I figured it was just a random thing and he would be better the next night. Wrong! The next night, he slept a total of maybe 20 minutes. And it wasn't just him not sleeping, it was non-stop screaming. I felt like life had rewinded itself back to 7 months ago and we were just bringing Eli home from the hospital.. I started getting that same sleep deprived feeling and the hopelessness. This continued for a few more nights, it was at this point I about lost it.. there was no way I could take care of Eli to the best of my ability when I was not getting any sleep at all.. I was afraid I would get down myself and then who would take care of him?? Panic really started to set in.. not to mention I am still recovering from surgery I had about a month ago.. things were just really difficult. It seemed like anything I did would not calm him or comfort him at all.. I assumed it was teething and he would just have to cry along with some tylenol, cuddles, and paci popsicles. His screaming started turning into shrieking so I decided to take him in to the pediatrician to make sure we weren't dealing with an ear infection or anything. Thankfully, his ears looked great.. no ear infection. While I was standing there thinking that I had just wasted 45 minutes of driving to the dr and the dr.'s time, he said he knew exactly what was wrong. He agreed he was teething but also said he was having severe reflux/heartburn issues. This is not new and he was diagnosed with this around 3 months, but we were told it would get better. Unfortunately, for some reason it seems to be getting worse. He is now on a stronger med to try and help the situation.. he has his good nights and bad nights.. but at least mama is getting some sleep, at least more than 30 min to an hr in a night!
In the middle of all of Eli's reflux/sleeping problems, I am trying to get our house packed up for moving. We will be moving in the span of just over a month. Surprisingly, I have been able to get a lot packed but we have a long way to go yet. My thinking that every box packed is one box closer to being done.. at least that is my motivation to getting it all done. I am also in the process of deep cleaning our house, another thing that has to be done before we move. I figured if I started now, that in a month the cleaning wouldn't take near as much time as it normally would. Thankfully Eli can very easily play independently. I never thought I would be "that mom" that actually left her children in a swing for 30 minutes or on the playmat or jumperoo for a while.. I think every baby and every situation is different. I thought I would practice 100% attachment parenting.. although I do practice attachment parenting in some ways. Eli seems to really like it and I do as well.. it works for us and thats what matters. As long as my child is comfortable and happy in his environment and with me, thats all that matters.
Eli and packing have been a huge distraction to B being gone. So in a way, I am thankful that so much has been happening and I haven't really had more than minute to catch a breath. This has really opened up my eyes to deployment though, and I am really really not looking forward to when that time comes. It could be in a year or less, only time will tell. While I would really love to have my husband here to help me deal with some curveballs life has thrown my way, I am learning to rely on God even more than before and phone chats with some amazing friends. This hasn't been easy and I know it's definitely not the biggest struggle I will face in the military world, but it still feels so good to sit back and realize I can do all of this on my OWN. Packing, moving preparations, taking care of our 7 month old, go through surgery/other procedures, take care of our 2 cats, and still maintain my house, grades, and sanity (once in a while) yeah.. that feels pretty good. This gives me the confidence that I can get through future TDYs and deployments. I am learning to stop being so hard on myself and beating myself up for every little thing that I don't think I do 'right' as a mother or wife.. I do the best I can and pray every night for God to continue to shape me into the mother and wife he created me to be.. thats all I can do.
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