Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I have heard this and now I am realizing that this is indeed, true. First let me explain that B is just on a TDY and is not deployed, at least not yet. So for that, I am very thankful. It's almost as if Eli knew exactly that daddy left so it was then time to start having problems that would make mama about have a mental breakdown. We have all had them, I don't care if you are Michelle Duggar or Annie Camden.. no mama can be happy and energetic 24-7.. especially when it seems like everything is going wrong and you just can't handle anything else, mentally or physically.
It all started when Eli started waking up multiple times one night, I figured it was just a random thing and he would be better the next night. Wrong! The next night, he slept a total of maybe 20 minutes. And it wasn't just him not sleeping, it was non-stop screaming. I felt like life had rewinded itself back to 7 months ago and we were just bringing Eli home from the hospital.. I started getting that same sleep deprived feeling and the hopelessness. This continued for a few more nights, it was at this point I about lost it.. there was no way I could take care of Eli to the best of my ability when I was not getting any sleep at all.. I was afraid I would get down myself and then who would take care of him?? Panic really started to set in.. not to mention I am still recovering from surgery I had about a month ago.. things were just really difficult. It seemed like anything I did would not calm him or comfort him at all.. I assumed it was teething and he would just have to cry along with some tylenol, cuddles, and paci popsicles. His screaming started turning into shrieking so I decided to take him in to the pediatrician to make sure we weren't dealing with an ear infection or anything. Thankfully, his ears looked great.. no ear infection. While I was standing there thinking that I had just wasted 45 minutes of driving to the dr and the dr.'s time, he said he knew exactly what was wrong. He agreed he was teething but also said he was having severe reflux/heartburn issues. This is not new and he was diagnosed with this around 3 months, but we were told it would get better. Unfortunately, for some reason it seems to be getting worse. He is now on a stronger med to try and help the situation.. he has his good nights and bad nights.. but at least mama is getting some sleep, at least more than 30 min to an hr in a night!
In the middle of all of Eli's reflux/sleeping problems, I am trying to get our house packed up for moving. We will be moving in the span of just over a month. Surprisingly, I have been able to get a lot packed but we have a long way to go yet. My thinking that every box packed is one box closer to being done.. at least that is my motivation to getting it all done. I am also in the process of deep cleaning our house, another thing that has to be done before we move. I figured if I started now, that in a month the cleaning wouldn't take near as much time as it normally would. Thankfully Eli can very easily play independently. I never thought I would be "that mom" that actually left her children in a swing for 30 minutes or on the playmat or jumperoo for a while.. I think every baby and every situation is different. I thought I would practice 100% attachment parenting.. although I do practice attachment parenting in some ways. Eli seems to really like it and I do as well.. it works for us and thats what matters. As long as my child is comfortable and happy in his environment and with me, thats all that matters.
Eli and packing have been a huge distraction to B being gone. So in a way, I am thankful that so much has been happening and I haven't really had more than minute to catch a breath. This has really opened up my eyes to deployment though, and I am really really not looking forward to when that time comes. It could be in a year or less, only time will tell. While I would really love to have my husband here to help me deal with some curveballs life has thrown my way, I am learning to rely on God even more than before and phone chats with some amazing friends. This hasn't been easy and I know it's definitely not the biggest struggle I will face in the military world, but it still feels so good to sit back and realize I can do all of this on my OWN. Packing, moving preparations, taking care of our 7 month old, go through surgery/other procedures, take care of our 2 cats, and still maintain my house, grades, and sanity (once in a while) yeah.. that feels pretty good. This gives me the confidence that I can get through future TDYs and deployments. I am learning to stop being so hard on myself and beating myself up for every little thing that I don't think I do 'right' as a mother or wife.. I do the best I can and pray every night for God to continue to shape me into the mother and wife he created me to be.. thats all I can do.
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