Becoming a Mama: Sleep is A Forever Thing of the Past

   Sleep, you know that little thing where you get into bed and lay down and close your eyes and hear nothing but the sound of a fan or the furnace kicking on.. yeah thats a thing of the past and has been for quite a while now. Whether its Eli protesting sleep or contractions and nausea preventing me from laying down to a nice night's rest, sleep just isn't happening these days. . This is really just a vent of mine about what is going on in this pregnancy with Mayflower, so if you don't want to read about it.. exit out of this window now. You have been warned.

  I am trying my hardest to be thankful and not complain throughout all of this, I really am, and believe me, I am very thankful and feel incredibly blessed we still have Mayflower snuggled nice and cozy inside, but  I feel like I just need to vent. I will probably look back at this one day and show Mayflower just what all he put his mama through ;)  As most everyone knows, for some odd reason I went into PTL last weekend and was having regular contractions spaced just 5 minutes apart, sometimes even 4 minutes apart. I continued this pattern for a total of 6-7 hours and thankfully was released after they started to calm down with the help of medication every 30 minutes. I saw my OB the next day and he told me he had no idea why this was happening and it was concerning that I am in such an active contraction pattern being only in my 5th month of pregnancy and that if it continues we might have some problems.. thank you for stating the obvious. I left the office with instructions to continue medication, rest, try to urinate every 30 minutes, and stay as hydrated as possible because any lack of hydration can stimulate a contraction which I obviously did not need. And also if the contractions became any more intense or I started having some other symptoms to go back to L&D or give him a call. Easy enough instructions..  fast forward 3 days later when contractions are still painful and frequent.. I call and this time get told that they are trying everything they can to get me through this at home and to just stay laying down on my left side at all times except to get up and go to the bathroom.. and basically it was up to  me when to go back to L&D or when I started contracting again every 5 minutes, I was doing everything they could do at L&D just the same at home, other than the fetal monitoring. Okay, I can deal with that.. and the whole laying down at all times thing.. sure I can do that with a one year old who is toddling around, into everything, finds microscopic particles of only God knows what on just vacuumed floors and puts said particles into his mouth while I quickly have to dive to the floor to retrieve it from his mouth before he swallows it, and tries to break down baby gates.. sure, not a problem.

  So here I am almost 1 am up with bad contractions/nausea AGAIN. My lovely special little person who I love more than life itself, and  known as a toddler now will be up in just 5-6 hours screaming for me and wanting breakfast..  and recharged and ready for me to chase after him all day, so why in this world am I still up? I have pumped my poor body full of medications that are supposedly helping that I am really completely against but feel like I have no choice in taking. I hate drugging my baby. The frustrating thing is, when do I call it and say enough is enough and go back to L&D to ensure the safety of Mayflower and I? Even my dr can't answer this, I know my body better than anyone else.. yes thats true but dr I had no idea when I came in last weekend I was contracting every 5 minutes and had no idea they were true contractions. Heck, I didn't even know I was in labor with Eli! These contractions are becoming all too common and I am beginning to think I won't know when I am in actual labor.. whenever that may be. The doctors can say whatever they want but God only knows when this little guy is coming. For all we know he may just be giving his mama a quick refresher for mid pregnancy and decide to not come until a week after his due date! In the meantime I will just continue to time my contractions and count my blessings for the next 3 1/2 months..