The Beautiful and Healing Birth of Simon

  Ahh where do I even begin? Everything surrounding the whole pregnancy experience with Simon was full of blessings, from the miraculous conception that even my fertility doctor couldn't even believe, to the many blessings placed in our lives during the most challenging pregnancy and during a very challenging time in our lives, this pregnancy and birth has taught me once again, there is a time for everything, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1

  Throughout the whole pregnancy, really from the time I found out I was pregnant, I was full of anxiety about the birth. My last birth went very quickly and upon arrival to the hospital, the medical staff didn't exactly treat me very respectfully, thats putting it nicely. I was seen by a maternal fetal medicine specialist throughout my entire pregnancy (MFM) and of course my regular OBGYN, they both told me that this birth would likely be even faster than my 2 hour 45 minute birth with my previous son. Again, my anxiety grew and grew. When I woke up in preterm labor at just under 25 weeks, I had flashbacks and I just knew I would be delivering my baby boy in my bathroom, possibly not even alive,  but God had His hand on us, just as He did throughout this entire pregnancy and every day for that matter.

  35 weeks.. thats when I really started noticing things were changing, and my body was gearing up for labor. Due to my being 45 minutes away from the hospital and having a previous precipitous delivery and due to the fact that baby boy was still breech, cervical checks began.  I was 1 cm and 50% effaced..  Now I knew this meant nothing in terms of delivery, but was good to know what my body is doing in prep for labor. I still had anxiety about the birth and even more so since Simon was still breech. I tried everything you could think of, ultimately what worked was Spinning Babies. I HIGHLY recommend it if you have a breech babe.

37 weeks brought more and more consistent contractions. Now I had been having contractions for months, so I didn't think anything really of these contractions, I decided to time them and they were 8-10 minutes apart, every single night this would happen, and then I would doze off to sleep and wake up and they would be gone. Yay for prodromal labor! I was beyond mentally and physically exhausted, and I was still having anxiety about the birth.. my 37 week cervical check revealed I was 2 cm and 75%.. okay so things are slowly progressing. Looking back, I think these cervical checks just added to my anxiety about the birth. I was so tired of contractions, the severe SPD pain, the acid reflux, the nausea, .. I was just done. If I was going to keep having consistent contractions every evening then why, why couldn't I just go into full blown labor?!

  38 weeks came and still consistent contractions every. day. I was so sick of it. On the evening of Sept 30 B and the boys and I went out to dinner for our weekly family date night, I chose Olive Garden, I thought I would give the eggplant parmesan a try in inducing labor, couldn't hurt right?! All through dinner I was just not feeling well, pre laborish, but really nothing different than I had been feeling for the past two weeks. I ate the eggplant parmesan and went to bed fairly early that night, I was beyond exhausted. I woke up around 4 am with contractions.. no surprise there, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not go back to sleep with these contractions, and I also started having to make frequent trips to the bathroom, I knew then labor was probably within the next couple of days, if that. We had already planned to take the boys to a pumpkin patch about 40 minutes away that day, and I didn't want to ruin the plans. I told B that I thought we would be going to the hospital by the end of the day, I was definitely feeling 'laborish'. He asked if I thought it was a good idea to travel 40 minutes away if I think I might be in labor, I told him we would go for a walk before we leave and decide from there. The walk really didn't increase the contractions, they were still coming, 7-9 minutes apart but nothing closer, I had been playing this game for the past two weeks so I wasn't about to let it get in the way of what could be our last family activity as a family of four.   So we decided to go to the pumpkin patch, while there I noticed the contractions becoming stronger, I even saw a friend while there and told her I was having contractions, little did I notice, but I was starting to kind of hunch over with each contraction. She told me I better start heading to the hospital with my history last time...   I decided to just wait it out and let the kids continue to enjoy themselves. Around lunch time contractions really started becoming stronger, I remember standing in line waiting to order lunch when I was deciding if I should really eat  a hot dog or not.. that can't be good coming back up possibly later..   We had just sat down at a picnic table when the strongest contraction yet hit.. B saw my face and said "how far apart are they now?" I told him I didn't know, I wasn't timing them anymore.. His face was priceless..  he responds by telling me to tell him when I have another one..  A few minutes go by and I tell him "here comes another one" It was then that we decided we should start heading towards the hospital, a wagon full of pumpkins, 2 screaming kids, a bag of spilled cheetos, and a 35 minute car ride later, we arrived.

  As soon as we arrived, I just felt peace. I prayed on the way there that this was in fact labor and we would be meeting our newest little man soon. I was given a room with a jacuzzi (my plan was to labor in the tub for my pain management) and an amazing nurse. When I arrived, contractions were 4-5 minutes apart, I was told to walk to see if my cervix would change.. an hour into walking and the contractions were becoming stronger, I was checked and I was  a good 4 cm and 80%. WE WERE HAVING A BABY! I thought for sure, as did everyone else, that we would have a baby by the night's end. We got to the hospital around 2:30 on the afternoon of Oct 1. Once admitted, I continued to walk and walk, and get in and out of the tub, then I would change to the birth ball.. I was checked again and still just 4 cm 80%, yet having very strong contractions and very close together.. they decided to administer pitocin.. at this point I was fine with it to see if it would help at all, of course contractions became even stronger, I walked and walked and sat in the tub, B by my side the entire time. Around 10:30 our birth photographer and who ultimately became our doula, arrived and started assisting as well. She encouraged us to "get close" as she put it haha, to have a lot of physical contact to get the oxytocin going to try and speed things up, let me tell you.... it worked! We danced, I leaned into him, I hugged him, I squeezed the living crap out of him, I laughed with him, it was really a special time together. Somehow I was able to get a little bit of sleep, a couple hours in between contractions, pit still going strong,  the nurse came in multiple times to tell me the doctor would really like to break my water, I kept declining, I knew I was kind of stuck at a 4 and once they broke my water, I would be on the clock..  Well about an hour later the doctor came in and talked to me and said he really thought it best if he go ahead and break my water, I expressed my concerns with him and he reassured me that this being my 3rd baby, he really thought thats all that would need to be done to get this babe in a better position..  I had already spent hours in all sorts of positions trying to get this boy in a better position. I agreed to let him break my water..  things got intense really quick. I walked the halls more and soon I was leaning in to B and moaning quite loudly (he later told me that as soon as he heard me make that noise, he instantly had flashbacks of Kealan's birth, so he knew we would be meeting Simon soon) my water was broken at 630 am, after getting back from walking the halls, I just couldn't walk any more, I got into the bed where I was checked and I was a 5-6.. we walked more.. we danced more, I moaned more, a couple hours passed and I was really really feeling it, I was exhausted, I had several hours full of pitocin in me, and in hard labor, another check revealed I was 7.. the nurse suggested I try the peanut ball,  I got on the peanut ball and continued my labor vocals.. these contractions were pretty much just one on top of the other at this point and also in my back, I had B, my nurse, and our birth photographer/doula all applying pressure to my lower back, it helped a lot. I remember very vividly being on the peanut ball and a resident doctor who had been observing my labor from when I first got there, I looked up at him and smiled and said "I am sorry, I am not normally this dramatic, its just that these contractions really really hurt!" He laughed and said "oh no, you aren't being dramatic at all, this is just amazing to watch! Can I stay for the birth? I have never witnessed a natural birth before" I agreed, honestly at that point I could care less who was in the room. After being on the peanut ball for a bit, I felt I needed to get back in bed, I am on my side in bed when I am overwhelmed with shaking, dry heaves, and unbelievable pressure, and I start to growl (I knew then I was about to push this babe out!) I scream "I need to push!" Nurse checks me and I have just a lip of cervix left, I remember questioning everyone in there
"are you sure I am that far??? Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" I am still on my side following my body's cues and I start to try and push, I was dry heaving and was so concerned about throwing up on the floor I was practically suffocating myself by placing the bag over my face.. I remember my doula who kept telling me she would take care of it, but I insisted.. soon that bag was taken from me and an oxygen mask was being placed on my face because Simon's heart rate had dropped dramatically and wasn't coming back up, I was told that I needed to get the baby out now, I won't forget that moment, "Darcie, you need to just push through this pain, your baby needs to get out NOW!" Two contractions and four minutes later, Simon Luke Jones entered this world, October 2, 2016 9:04 AM. 7 lbs even. There is absolutely no other feeling like the relief you get as soon as you push your baby out.. He was immediately placed up on my chest and of course, instantly I fell in love with another baby boy.  I did end up having a good amount of repair work done post birth, I think I screamed more during that then I did when pushing!

  Simon's labor was the longest and probably the most challenging labor I have had but it was so incredibly beautiful and healing. Our doula told us it was truly 'the most romantic birth she had ever seen" I agree, it was incredible. Was it painful? Of course, especially with the 8 hours of pitocin! But those 18 1/2 hours of labor were so full of love, patience, and grace.. I have never connected more with B than I did during those 18 1/2 hours, especially the last few hours of it, truly beautiful.

  Everything about this birth was truly amazing, everything worked out so well, God truly had an incredible plan in place, the weeks of prodromal labor were worth it. My birth experience was everything I wanted from start to finish, minus the pitocin and maybe not so long in duration.. I made it to the hospital, I was able to move about freely and walk around all throughout labor, I had minimal intervention throughout the labor process, a nurse who was very experienced in natural birth who was a huge encouragement in addition to B and my doula, and most importantly to me, I was able to listen to my body when it came to pushing, I was never forced to not push or screamed at, or had my legs held together like last time,  a truly healing birth and I am so grateful for the experience, the lessons learned, and ultimately for another healthy beautiful baby boy, a true miracle.

15 weeks!

  Okay, unless you live under a rock or have no access to social media or haven't talked to me in three months, we are pregnant! Yay!  This was a huge blessing and true miracle given the circumstances. EDD is October 9 and we are thrilled!    So back to the pregnancy update,  I have been told recently I should blog about my pregnancy given some stories that result from my current state. So here I am.

  Let me just start off by saying that this is by far the hardest pregnancy, now whether that is because I have two toddlers to still run after solo or my body is just saying "no more babies!" Which lets face it, my body rebelled hard against trying for another pregnancy.  What ever the reason may be, we are 3 and done people. My husband likes to respond to that by saying " we will see" but I have the parts (and these parts already feel like they are falling apart at just 15 weeks in) and I am the one that has to go through it all, so I say 3 and done.

 The biggest difference this pregnancy is the sickness. Oh my word people, I just thought I had bad "morning sickness" with K..  From week 5-12 I was seriously not able to function, my husband likes to say I was "physically incapacitated" I wouldn't go that far but I will say that I could not move without feeling severely sick. It was all I could do to shuffle myself around my house to help care for my kids.  And while its not as severe as it was (Praise God!) it is still there. The biggest lie on this Earth is that "morning sickness" goes away after the first trimester. In fact, next time I see my doc I plan on giving him a piece of my mind for giving me such hope.  Along with this lovely relentless nausea comes a constant bad taste in my mouth, I didn't have this in my other pregnancies either. No matter what I eat, its always there. Always. Its like a pesky fly that keeps buzzing around you, just to let you know its there and its going to irritate the crap out of you.

 Let's move onto cravings.. The cravings are real y'all, seriously. Of course right before I found out I was pregnant, the hubs and I started a financial class (Financial Peace University) basically to try and get out of our student loan debt. Great class and Dave is a pretty awesome guy BUT bad bad timing to start FPU during the first trimester of pregnancy when there are just a few foods you can tolerate. I remember very vividly our next to last session, our instructor asked us if we had any "confessions" I boldly raised my hand, well as boldly as I could in my sick zombie like 9 week pregnancy state, and said "yes, I do. I have been spending 3/4 of our budget on food, but dang it Dave has never been pregnant and never will be so he just doesn't understand the need for certain foods. I can't just go into my pantry and come up with something to eat (heck I can barely stand to walk into my pantry).  Our instructor laughed pretty hard and said that was the first time he had heard that and he was going to call into Dave and tell him he had a student say that. Now whether he did or not, I don't know, but I am pretty sure I embarrassed the hubs pretty good that night.  So with that being said, specific cravings are SWEETS, anything SWEET. Fruit, doughnuts, cheesecake, pie, ice cream, cinnamon rolls, etc. Gotta have it. For quite some time I was constantly craving bleu cheese.. I think its on the 'no no list' of what not to eat in pregnancy, but I ate it anyways. One thing I will never quite understand is how severely nauseous I can be but seriously inhale almost an entire bag of chips in that same moment. Every 30 minutes to an hour, I am eating something, if I don't, this babe makes me pay. Oh yeah, thats not just a first trimester symptom either!

  So for anyone who knows me, in my other pregnancies I craved the smell of laundry detergent. I craved it so much actually, my husband had to stop me from going into the laundry room. I could only get "4 sniffs a day"  I am dead serious. I lived for the smell of laundry detergent in my other pregnancies, it was odd and honestly quite disturbing. Well of course #3 has to be different,  get ready..  the smell of laundry detergent is extremely nauseating to me this time. I cannot believe it. As I type this, I have laundry going upstairs and I can seriously smell it and the nausea is so awful.  I really can't stand the smell of anything this pregnancy, and let me tell you, I can smell anything in the world right now with this sense of smell..  but the fact that the smell of laundry detergent is nauseating to me almost makes me feel like I am not normal, I am not Darcie!  

 Last thing, I can't tell you how many people have asked both B and I if we are hoping for a girl. Would it be cool to have a girl? Sure! It would add a whole new dynamic to our family. Will I be absolutely devastated if this is another boy? NO! This babe is the biggest blessing, we prayed and prayed for this babe and God answered with this precious gift. I love our boys and adding a 3rd one to the mix would be so awesome!   With that being said, we will find out in the next few weeks if we will be adding pink to the house or if the boys will be gaining another brother.  Oh, for the record, even if its a boy, this woman is 3 and done!

Road Trip Ramblings

On our way back home from visiting family for Easter and house hunting I was feeling so many emotions, so many strong emotions of the coming weeks and months.  B would be leaving soon and not returning until after the move to our next location, which would be the end of the summer.  I am to take care of both our boys, the little one growing inside me, sell our house we just had built not even a year ago, find a place for us to live in our next location, and get the boys, myself, and two cats moved. As a mil spouse, I knew this would likely be happening one day, I just didn't think it would be THIS soon, or that I would be pregnant with our 3rd child in this process. Just more proof that God carries out the plan, we can make plans, but in the end He will always take over, He's just perfecting His plan in us.

One word: overwhelmed. How in the world am I going to do this?  God has a sense of humor for sure, we were sure we would be living at our current base for at least a few more years, so we planted roots and built a house. A house we have grown to love, perfect for our family, and made amazing life long friends and finally found a church home.  Let's not forget the amazing therapists that have helped E immensely, just thinking of having to leave them and start over with new therapists in our next location almost makes me feel physically sick.   Never in a million years did I think we would be selling our house not even a year after having moved in.   Yet here we are.  You would think living the mil life for as long as I have, I would know better and not be so surprised.. But this really caught me by huge surprise and felt like a punch in the stomach. 

Rewind back to Easter Sunday when I was feeling these strong emotions riding in the car as my husband was driving us back home, or should I say temporary home. The home just only a year ago we came by to check up on the latest progress of it being built, the home we walked through countless times, even when the house was just at the framing stage, yet I would walk into every 'room' and have visions of what those rooms would be. We would make so many memories in this house, E would go to kindergarten, we would hopefully welcome another child into this house, and K would start preschool. I can't tell you how many times I seriously dreamed of creating a nursery and actually being able to paint and make it our own. I promise I am not crazy, I just finally felt like there was some stability in our lives, we could call this house our own and make it our home. For any mil spouse, being able to actually plant down roots and have your own house, let alone build it, is a dream.

Here we are driving down the road as I am sitting there thinking of the countless things that have to be done and thinking B just has a couple weeks left here before the boys and I move and eventually meet back up with him at our next duty location.   The song "I will follow you" by Chris Tomlin came on.  The tears started to come as I sat back and listened to every word of that song.  We don't know God's plan for us and it can seem down right overwhelming and near impossible at times, but as the song says "where You go I'll go, where You stay I'll stay, Where you move I'll move I'll follow you". Friends, I don't think I need to say much more.  I can't tel you how many times after receiving the news of a PCS that God would just take it away, not just because we had just built a house but because of E and the amazing resources he has here and the progress he has made. I prayed and prayed that something would happen so we could just stay here. "God you know the progress E is making here with his therapists, the amazing resources he has here, the months it took for his therapists to even be in the same room as him, please don't make us go through that again, please don't let him backtrack. This location is perfect for us, please just remove the situation." It wasn't until last night while watching "The Passion" and seeing Jesus plead to God to remove this burden from him, the burden of being crucified and suffering so that sinners would be saved and have life in eternity, did I realize that there is absolutely a reason why God does not always answer our prayers, no matter how critical or traumatic or immense amount of suffering the situation might be bringing about. As difficult as that may be, the fact God did not answer Jesus' prayer for that burden to be lifted is a constant reminder that what ever we are going through He is producing for His glory. Had the burden have been lifted and that prayer have been answered, the ultimate sacrifice would have never been made, history would look a lot different huh?

I look back on my life and apply this logic, and I am grateful some prayers weren't answered. Some I still really struggle with and don't understand, but thats not for my understanding.  Regardless of what happens in our lives, if we follow God and his will for our lives, what ever that may be or look like, we will not lose. You see, He's already won. He's already won the battle for us, we just need be still, listen to Him, and accept His will for our lives. Obedience can sound so simple yet be the hardest thing we will ever do in life.  My issues in life and current worries of finding a new house to live in at the next location, and especially the anxiety of finding new therapists for E pale in comparison to God's plan He has for us and the glory that awaits us in eternity with Him. He already has our house picked out, He has hand picked the next therapists that will help E, everything that will happen in this process is all a part of His story he has written for us. 

In the meantime, I'll be on my knees a lot more and not just to start packing boxes.   We may fall, and fall hard sometimes, but with faith, fervent prayer, and following God's will for our lives, we will not fail and that is comforting so very very comforting.