On our way back home from visiting family for Easter and house hunting I was feeling so many emotions, so many strong emotions of the coming weeks and months. B would be leaving soon and not returning until after the move to our next location, which would be the end of the summer. I am to take care of both our boys, the little one growing inside me, sell our house we just had built not even a year ago, find a place for us to live in our next location, and get the boys, myself, and two cats moved. As a mil spouse, I knew this would likely be happening one day, I just didn't think it would be THIS soon, or that I would be pregnant with our 3rd child in this process. Just more proof that God carries out the plan, we can make plans, but in the end He will always take over, He's just perfecting His plan in us.
One word: overwhelmed. How in the world am I going to do this? God has a sense of humor for sure, we were sure we would be living at our current base for at least a few more years, so we planted roots and built a house. A house we have grown to love, perfect for our family, and made amazing life long friends and finally found a church home. Let's not forget the amazing therapists that have helped E immensely, just thinking of having to leave them and start over with new therapists in our next location almost makes me feel physically sick. Never in a million years did I think we would be selling our house not even a year after having moved in. Yet here we are. You would think living the mil life for as long as I have, I would know better and not be so surprised.. But this really caught me by huge surprise and felt like a punch in the stomach.
One word: overwhelmed. How in the world am I going to do this? God has a sense of humor for sure, we were sure we would be living at our current base for at least a few more years, so we planted roots and built a house. A house we have grown to love, perfect for our family, and made amazing life long friends and finally found a church home. Let's not forget the amazing therapists that have helped E immensely, just thinking of having to leave them and start over with new therapists in our next location almost makes me feel physically sick. Never in a million years did I think we would be selling our house not even a year after having moved in. Yet here we are. You would think living the mil life for as long as I have, I would know better and not be so surprised.. But this really caught me by huge surprise and felt like a punch in the stomach.
Rewind back to Easter Sunday when I was feeling these strong emotions riding in the car as my husband was driving us back home, or should I say temporary home. The home just only a year ago we came by to check up on the latest progress of it being built, the home we walked through countless times, even when the house was just at the framing stage, yet I would walk into every 'room' and have visions of what those rooms would be. We would make so many memories in this house, E would go to kindergarten, we would hopefully welcome another child into this house, and K would start preschool. I can't tell you how many times I seriously dreamed of creating a nursery and actually being able to paint and make it our own. I promise I am not crazy, I just finally felt like there was some stability in our lives, we could call this house our own and make it our home. For any mil spouse, being able to actually plant down roots and have your own house, let alone build it, is a dream.
Here we are driving down the road as I am sitting there thinking of the countless things that have to be done and thinking B just has a couple weeks left here before the boys and I move and eventually meet back up with him at our next duty location. The song "I will follow you" by Chris Tomlin came on. The tears started to come as I sat back and listened to every word of that song. We don't know God's plan for us and it can seem down right overwhelming and near impossible at times, but as the song says "where You go I'll go, where You stay I'll stay, Where you move I'll move I'll follow you". Friends, I don't think I need to say much more. I can't tel you how many times after receiving the news of a PCS that God would just take it away, not just because we had just built a house but because of E and the amazing resources he has here and the progress he has made. I prayed and prayed that something would happen so we could just stay here. "God you know the progress E is making here with his therapists, the amazing resources he has here, the months it took for his therapists to even be in the same room as him, please don't make us go through that again, please don't let him backtrack. This location is perfect for us, please just remove the situation." It wasn't until last night while watching "The Passion" and seeing Jesus plead to God to remove this burden from him, the burden of being crucified and suffering so that sinners would be saved and have life in eternity, did I realize that there is absolutely a reason why God does not always answer our prayers, no matter how critical or traumatic or immense amount of suffering the situation might be bringing about. As difficult as that may be, the fact God did not answer Jesus' prayer for that burden to be lifted is a constant reminder that what ever we are going through He is producing for His glory. Had the burden have been lifted and that prayer have been answered, the ultimate sacrifice would have never been made, history would look a lot different huh?
I look back on my life and apply this logic, and I am grateful some prayers weren't answered. Some I still really struggle with and don't understand, but thats not for my understanding. Regardless of what happens in our lives, if we follow God and his will for our lives, what ever that may be or look like, we will not lose. You see, He's already won. He's already won the battle for us, we just need be still, listen to Him, and accept His will for our lives. Obedience can sound so simple yet be the hardest thing we will ever do in life. My issues in life and current worries of finding a new house to live in at the next location, and especially the anxiety of finding new therapists for E pale in comparison to God's plan He has for us and the glory that awaits us in eternity with Him. He already has our house picked out, He has hand picked the next therapists that will help E, everything that will happen in this process is all a part of His story he has written for us.
Here we are driving down the road as I am sitting there thinking of the countless things that have to be done and thinking B just has a couple weeks left here before the boys and I move and eventually meet back up with him at our next duty location. The song "I will follow you" by Chris Tomlin came on. The tears started to come as I sat back and listened to every word of that song. We don't know God's plan for us and it can seem down right overwhelming and near impossible at times, but as the song says "where You go I'll go, where You stay I'll stay, Where you move I'll move I'll follow you". Friends, I don't think I need to say much more. I can't tel you how many times after receiving the news of a PCS that God would just take it away, not just because we had just built a house but because of E and the amazing resources he has here and the progress he has made. I prayed and prayed that something would happen so we could just stay here. "God you know the progress E is making here with his therapists, the amazing resources he has here, the months it took for his therapists to even be in the same room as him, please don't make us go through that again, please don't let him backtrack. This location is perfect for us, please just remove the situation." It wasn't until last night while watching "The Passion" and seeing Jesus plead to God to remove this burden from him, the burden of being crucified and suffering so that sinners would be saved and have life in eternity, did I realize that there is absolutely a reason why God does not always answer our prayers, no matter how critical or traumatic or immense amount of suffering the situation might be bringing about. As difficult as that may be, the fact God did not answer Jesus' prayer for that burden to be lifted is a constant reminder that what ever we are going through He is producing for His glory. Had the burden have been lifted and that prayer have been answered, the ultimate sacrifice would have never been made, history would look a lot different huh?
I look back on my life and apply this logic, and I am grateful some prayers weren't answered. Some I still really struggle with and don't understand, but thats not for my understanding. Regardless of what happens in our lives, if we follow God and his will for our lives, what ever that may be or look like, we will not lose. You see, He's already won. He's already won the battle for us, we just need be still, listen to Him, and accept His will for our lives. Obedience can sound so simple yet be the hardest thing we will ever do in life. My issues in life and current worries of finding a new house to live in at the next location, and especially the anxiety of finding new therapists for E pale in comparison to God's plan He has for us and the glory that awaits us in eternity with Him. He already has our house picked out, He has hand picked the next therapists that will help E, everything that will happen in this process is all a part of His story he has written for us.
In the meantime, I'll be on my knees a lot more and not just to start packing boxes. We may fall, and fall hard sometimes, but with faith, fervent prayer, and following God's will for our lives, we will not fail and that is comforting so very very comforting.
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