It's not one of my strong points. In fact, it's probably known amongst many that know me, to be one of my weakest points. We all find it hard to practice this important virtue, especially in difficult situations.
I have found this to be true for me in many circumstances, whether its simply waiting for a pizza to be delivered, or in more complex situations, such as been the case in the past six months. I do believe in coincidence, but I also believe that God speaks to us and presents us with opportunities and situations to grow and strengthen us, in our own personal growth, but in our spiritual relationship with him as well. No one knows what this future holds (for a control freak and for someone who has OCD, it drives me absolutely crazy at times) True story ;) Now I am just getting off on a tangent, anyways, there have been too many situations lately that required a lot of patience, and I know it was God speaking to me.
The best example of this in my life is with our oldest son, Eli. Many of you know that we went through a loss and infertility treatments to conceive him. We were overjoyed when we found out we were finally expecting, and when he came into our lives on that mild January afternoon in small town Mississippi.. our lives were forever changed, we just didn't know how much he would change our lives. I think I speak for both my husband and myself when I say this, we would give anything to hear our little man speak to us. As we are approaching his 3rd birthday, I find myself really really struggling with this. I keep comparing him to other kids, I keep comparing our situation to that of others, I know I shouldn't do this, everyone has different circumstances, but it's so hard. I frequently have dreams of him just coming up to me and starting a conversation.. actually speaking to us.. calling me mama and knowing that I am indeed his mama.. those moments in dreamland are really amazing, dreams which I hope come true sooner than later.
There are other desires of my heart that I long for and worries I have. I recently shared these with my husband, and he gave me simple advice: "Darcie, you just have to trust God" I found myself tearing up after he told me this, such simple simple words, not sure if I was tearing up because I found myself not trusting God and doubting his future plans for our family or that it was really a reminder of comfort and that he will continue to carry and sustain us, we just need to be still. That right there friends, that is my goal. Does this mean I am going to stop all worrying and ignore my desires? Absolutely not, I am only human, a mother at that ;) But what it does mean is that I am going to try my best to let go and let things happen. God knows the desires of my heart, he knows my dreams and concerns, but he also has a much better plan for my life than I could ever even begin to understand.
My reasons for writing this today are for myself and for others I know that are having a hard time with patience in their lives. I know its easier said than done, but really, take a few minutes and just let go, realize the things you do have control over and the things you do not, for the things you have no control over, let them go, even if for just a moment, let go and let God direct the next steps.
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